


all i want is someone i can't resist (i know all i need to know by the way that i got kissed)

by calamity_jones



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-03-06 06:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18845767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calamity_jones/pseuds/calamity_jones
Summary: An angsty take on how Carol and Maria admit their feelings for each other back in 1982.UPDATE: Now with a second chapter to tie things up!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a little bit since I've written fic but this pairing quickly became one of my favourites over the past few months and I just had to dedicate some time to them. A big thank you to all the writers in this fandom whose works I enjoyed reading so much I had to get back into this little hobby of mine!

It’s one o’clock in the morning and there’s a faint taste of tequila on her tongue, which means that Carol Danvers is probably about to do something stupid. Something stupid like, bang on her estranged best friend’s door in the middle of the night and hope that the alcohol in her system will give her enough courage to say the things she needs to say and that she won’t sound like an incoherent idiot while trying to say it. 

 

When the house remains dark after a few minutes of consistent rapping on the front door, the rational part of her wants to take it as a sign that she should turn around and go home - save herself any further embarrassment - but the sad, buzzed and lovesick part of her thinks it would be a better idea if she just starts shouting at the top of her lungs. 

 

“Maria…!” Three more knocks against the door. “Maaarrriiiaaa!” 

 

She knocks harder. Out of the corner of her eye she can see a few of the porch lights turn on across the street. Carol leans forward, rests her head on the door. “Maria…” She mumbles, eyes closing as her head starts to swim. She’d have fallen flat on her face when the door swung open a moment later but Maria catches her at the last moment. 

 

“Carol!” She scolds. Maria waits until Carol finds her footing before pulling her inside the house and scowling at her. “What the hell are you doing?”

 

Carol’s quiet for a moment, looking around Maria’s new living space. She had moved into base housing almost a month ago, but this was the first time Carol’s seen the place. It didn’t look like Maria had done much since moving in, there were still boxes left unpacked and scattered around. She turns to Maria then, who’s leaning against the door in sleep shorts and a tank top that cling to her in a way that makes the moisture leave Carol’s mouth. She catches Maria’s eyes, realizes she’s been staring too long. 

 

“Thought you would’ve been all moved in already…” Carol mutters.

 

Maria’s arms cross over her chest. “Yeah well, I haven’t had much time. Busy, you know?”

 

“Your boyfriend didn’t bother to help you out?” It comes out with more spite than Carol intends. 

 

Hurt flashes across Maria’s face, it’s so quick Carol almost doesn’t catch it but it makes her feel like shit when she does. She clears her throat like it’s going to do anything to clear the tension in the air. 

 

“Or me,” Carol sighs. “You could’ve asked me -,”

 

“Danvers,” Maria’s tone shut her up quick. “...why are you here?” 

 

“To talk.”

 

“Is everything okay?” The concern in Maria’s voice betrays her cold demeanour. 

 

“Things haven’t been okay for months, Maria.” Carol replies softly. The other woman tears her eyes away, taking sudden interest in the cream coloured carpet beneath her bare feet. 

 

“I know,” 

 

The past two months were some of the hardest Carol’s ever had. She and Maria had been attached at the hip for since basic. It was inevitable that they would grow so close. There was only a handful of women at their base, with Carol and Maria seemingly the only two who didn’t see the need to tear each other down to keep up with the flyboys, instead encouraging each other so that they could fly higher, further and faster than them. They were always together, everybody around them knew that wherever one was, the other wasn’t too far behind. 

 

And then Carol fucked it up. 

 

She blames herself. Because no matter how many times they had playfully flirted with one another, the countless nights they’d passed out drunk in each other’s beds - holding each other in a way that was too intimate even for best friends - in the end it was  _ Carol  _ who kissed Maria in the dimly lit parking lot of Pancho’s that night. It was  _ Carol  _ who crossed the imaginary, frail line that they had silently drawn between them. And then it was  _ Maria  _ who pulled away first and had to remind Carol - and probably herself - that there would be consequences for them if they did that sort of thing. It was  _ Maria  _ who’d asked for some space. 

 

“I miss you.” She doesn’t think Maria hears it when she says it, the words come out barely above a whisper. 

 

“I asked for some space Carol but I didn’t ask for you to _ stay _ away. You did that all on your own.” Maria glares. The way she says it makes Carol’s mouth twitch in irritation.  

 

“Well I wasn’t going to stay away until you started running around with  _ him _ ,” She raises her voice now, getting defensive. 

 

“Keep it down,” It’s a warning but Carol brushes it off. If the right buttons get pushed, Carol’s got a temper like her father. It’s one of the few traits they share and another reason she despises him. 

 

“Oh,” She laughs like its funny but her fists are clenched. She’s going to beat herself up later for allowing herself to get this way, allowing herself to be  _ mean _ to the one person in her world who she loves so much it hurts. The alcohol in her system isn’t helping her in anyway.  “I’m sorry, is he...he sleeping back there?” She nodded behind her. “Were you fucking before I showed up -,”

 

Maria pushes herself off the door and stalks toward her, stopping only when they’re mere inches apart. Her breath tickles Carol’s face. “ _ Fuck you, Carol _ .” 

 

“I’m sorry -,”

 

“...just... _ enough _ . Okay?” 

 

“Okay.”

 

Maria’s sharp tone startles both of them into silence.

 

Carol wants to wrap her arms around her when that hurt look crosses Maria’s face again, but she restrains herself. There’s no guarantee that Maria won’t just shove her away and it would be well within her right to do so, but that doesn’t mean Carol’s not going to break down crying if she does. 

 

The air is so thick it's a wonder how they’re both still breathing. Carol runs calloused hands roughly across her face. “I’m sorry.” She mumbles from between her fingers. “I’m sorry I said that.” She doesn’t even realize she’s backing up until she hits the wall. Carol lets herself slide into a crouching position before she pulls her hands away. 

 

“I didn’t come here to be an asshole,”

 

“I know,”

 

“I don’t know why I keep making things worse…”

 

“Carol,” 

 

She doesn’t know how long they were silent for but when she finally looks up, Maria’s standing in front of her.

 

“Come on,” Maria’s pulls her up. The contact between their palms makes Carol’s body hum as Maria leads her to her bedroom. She doesn’t want to let go when Maria makes her sit on the bed but she does, very reluctantly, and lets her hand drop to her side while Maria searches through her dresser. 

 

“Here,” Maria tosses her a t-shirt. 

 

“This is mine,” Carol smirks, turning the faded AC/DC shirt over in her hands. 

 

“Yeah you know, your habit of leaving your shit all over my room...might’ve accidentally brought a few things of yours when I moved.” Maria says when she finally turns around, holding a pair of pyjama bottoms for her. “I’ll gather the rest in the morning for you if you want?”

 

“Nah, it’s ok. I uh, might need them if I’m ever allowed back here.” It’s wishful thinking, she knows this but she’s sitting in Maria’s bedroom right now and not sulking in hers and that has to count for something right?

 

There’s a hint of a smile on Maria’s lips. “I’ll let you change.” 

 

“Maria…”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“What are we doing?” 

 

“Your gonna change while I get you some water, then we’re going to sleep before we say some more stupid shit to each other.”

 

.x.x.x.

  
  


Carol can’t sleep, and she knows despite the hour - the digital clock next to the untouched glass of water tells her its close to three in the morning - that Maria is still awake, lying stiffly with her back turned to Carol. They’re a foot apart but might as well be on opposite sides of the room. 

 

“Must not have gotten too crazy at Pancho’s if you’re not passed out by now, Danvers.” Maria mumbles when Carol starts shifting too much beside her. 

 

“I had a few shots. But getting shitfaced alone isn’t fun it’s just sad.” She swallows. “Besides, I haven’t been to Pancho’s since…”

 

“Mm,” 

 

She turns her head toward her. “Why are you still up?” 

 

“Stuff on my mind I guess.” Maria sighs. 

 

“You wanna go to the diner and get breakfast?  Tell me what’s going on over a stack of buttermilk pancakes?” Carol offers but it’s barely acknowledged. 

 

“Rambeau, you can talk to me if you need to -,”

 

“I don’t need to talk, I need to sleep.” She snaps. 

 

“Well neither one of us can, so we should talk.” Carol argues. Maria turns quickly and sits up, with Carol mimicking her position. “We used to be able to tell each other everything.” 

 

Maria still won’t look at her so Carol moves until she’s kneeling in her lap. She’s feeling more confident with the buzz from the alcohol gone. She feels like her head’s clear enough that she can do this without screwing it up now. 

 

“If it’s about me, if it’s about what I did, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you at the bar alright? That was my fuck up. And I shouldn’t have avoided you for as long as I did but I was upset and I was hurt and I didn’t know what to do with myself.” She’s shaking a little when she says the next part. “Because getting to have you like that...e-even for a second Maria, it was... it was the better than  _ flying _ .” 

 

Maria looks at her now. They’ve both been on the verge of tears too many times tonight but Maria breaks first, let’s her tears fall and doesn’t bother to brush them away. It’s a surprising sight for Carol because she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Maria  _ truly _ cry. 

 

“Yeah,” Maria nods as one of her hands find Carol’s. “... better than flying.” 

 

Carol shudders on her next breath. She doesn’t know if it makes it easier or harder now that Maria’s admitted she felt the same thing.  “It’s okay if we go back to pretending like we don’t feel this way. You’re my best friend and that means everything to me. I almost ruined us -,”

 

“You didn’t -,”

 

“I-,”

 

“No,  _ I  _ almost ruined us.” Maira says. There’s a finality in her voice that tells Carol that there’s no room for argument. No matter how much she wants to. A sob escapes her throat when she rests her forehead against Carol’s, her arms slip around her frame and pulled her close. 

 

“Maria…”

 

“I was just trying to be rational, you know?” Maria sighs. “You and me, we worked too damn hard to get here, harder than those boys ever did and all I could think about was how happy they’d be to get rid of us if they ever found out. I thought I was protecting us.”  Her hands cradle Carol’s face, thumb traces along her bottom lip. 

 

“We can still go back to the way things were before, if that’s what you want…” Carol is aware of how weak her offer sounds, there's no real weight behind it, but she needs to make sure Maria knows that she still has that option.  

 

When their lips meet, it’s so soft and so sure that Carol’s heart swells. She swears it's going to crack through her ribs, burst through her chest and fall right into Maria’s lap. Which would only be fair; it belongs to her anyway. 

 

She welcomes Carol’s tongue into her mouth when they move beyond soft and into desperation. The gasps she pulls from Maria’s lips are the only sounds she ever wants to hear again. Maria kisses her like she’s trying to tell her something. 

 

She doesn’t want them to go back. She wants Carol as much as Carol wants her. 

 

Carol  _ feels _ this. In every moan and whimper. In the teeth nipping at her bottom lip. In the fingers that have threaded themselves in her hair. She feels it. It’s more intoxicating than the tequila she drank earlier.

 

When the need to take full breaths becomes too much.  _ I love you _ tumbles out of each woman’s mouth so fast it's unclear who says it first. 

 

.x.x.x

  
  


The edge of sleep starts only starts calling to them when the sun starts to peek through the standard issue blinds covering the bedroom window. Both of them had been far too preoccupied with leaving no part of the other’s body untouched to concern themselves with trying to rest. They didn’t have to return to base until tomorrow and could sleep the rest of the day away if they wanted, Carol would have been fine with that, but she knows Maria won’t let them lie there past noon. 

 

Carol chases the streaks of light that shine across Maria’s bare form with her fingertips, watches the muscles twitch beneath her touch. 

 

“It tickles, Danvers.” Maria says, but she doesn’t stop her own fingers that have been absentmindedly twirling a lock of Carol’s hair for the past half hour. 

 

Carol laughs, apologizes by kissing between the valley of Maria’s breasts. She looks up at her then, noting the heaviness in her eyes from the lack of sleep but also something else. It makes her roll onto her back, so she can pull Maria on top of her. 

 

“You okay?”

 

“Just thinking,” Maria hums, lets her head rest in the crook of Carol’s neck. 

 

“Everything is going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” She starts. “I meant to say that earlier but, you know...it’s hard to talk with my head between your legs -,” 

 

That earns her a pinch to the hip, but it still makes Maria laugh. 

 

Carol looks down at her, tilts Maria’s chin up so she can look into her eyes. “I’m serious, though. We’re going to figure this out, alright? We’re not going anywhere. I promise. We go to work, we fly our birds…” She kisses Maria’s hairline - the silk she wore at night had been tossed over the digital clock. “...we come home to each other. Everyone else can get fucked.” 

 

It’s sincere when Maria says: “I trust you,” But she’s still got that same troubling look. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Carol frowns, trying to search her eyes for the answers to her question. 

 

“You make me believe we can handle anything as long as we’re together.”

 

“Because we can.” 

 

“I’m…” Maria pauses, bites her lip. Whatever she’s going to say just can’t seem to come out. 

 

“Maria,”

 

“I think I’m ready for those pancakes now.”

 

.x.x.x.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha jesus I haven't touched this since last may. believe me I wanted to but you know, writing is hard *cue the world's smallest violin*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. It's the middle of the night again which means this has been edited roughly 1.5 times by very tired eyes. But I'm trying to participate in fandom again while juggling my real life. Show mercy. I beg.
> 
> *Also whoever counts how many times I use the word "want" towards the end of the story gets an extra hour in the ball pit.*

“I’m pregnant.” 

 

 Maria could laugh at Carol’s reaction. Her bulging brown eyes and the noise she makes after a sip of coffee makes a wrong turn in her throat - it’s almost comical. But she can only manage a weak smile  to Carol and to the concerned waitress who’s frowning at them from two tables over. In hindsight, she should have waited for a better time. But like Carol said last night: they tell each other everything, and these words have been sitting on Maria’s tongue for over a week.

 

“Fuck,” 

 

“Yeah,” Maria sighs, eyes dropping to the menu in front of her. They’ve already ordered, but she needs to look at something other than a dumbstruck Carol right now. “...fuck.” 

 

“No, Maria - I mean like...like  _ wow _ , you know? I’m not saying this is bad or something -,”

 

“This is bad.” She gives up on trying to decipher the lunch special that’s been smudged by a ketchup stain, and looks at Carol again. 

 

“...it’s not bad.” Carol tries. 

 

“It’s not good.” 

 

“Hey,” Carol’s hand reaches across the table for her own.

 

They’ve picked a booth in the back but the diner isn’t completely empty and Maria can see the waitress on her way with their food.

 

Maybe she’s overreacting but being careful is what’s going to make this kind of relationship between them possible. So Maria inches her own hand away before Carol can touch her. Hopes the look in her eyes is enough to tell her that she wants the comfort - needs it -but not here.  

 

 Maria smiles politely when two stacks of pancakes are placed in front of them and thanks the woman before she disappears again. Maria can feel Carol’s leg bouncing beneath the table when she slides her the syrup.  

 

“When did you find out?”

 

“A week, give or take a day.”

 

“Does he know?” Carol asks, biting her lip once the bouncing of her leg subsides. 

 

“Frank...” 

 

“Yeah.  _ Him _ .” 

 

Maria takes the syrup from her when it becomes apparent that Carol’s content with letting it rest in her grip. She pours a little over her pancakes, then pours some for Carol. “He knows.”

 

Maria had told Frank within a day of her finding out. When he came around asking her if she wanted to get a hotel and go away with him for the weekend, she had no problem dropping that bomb just to shut him up. There wasn’t much said after that, a few mutterings about how he liked her a lot but he wasn’t ready to be a parent and a phone call the next day telling her he would “man up” about it if she wanted to keep the baby or financially help if she wanted to “sort out” the situation. They had hardly spoken since.  

 

“What did he say?” 

 

 Maria allows herself to take a bite before she continues. “Nothing that would justify you trying to track him down and kick his ass.” 

 

 “I was gonna do that way before I found out he got you pregnant,” Carol laughs. “...and I still might.”

 

 “You already got the girl, Danvers. Stand down.” It’s playful when Maria rolls her eyes, she can’t help but smile when Carol flashes a smug look. 

 

“Can we just be normal for a minute?  Just sit here and eat and pretend like I didn’t say everything I said?”

 

“Yeah,” Carol nods. “Of course.” 

 

That’s what they sort of end up doing anyway. Carol doesn’t really eat much of her food, taking a few very  _ un- _ Carol like bites here and there, spending most of the time drawing swirls in a syrup puddle. And Maria? She pretends not to notice. 

  
  
  


***

On the drive home, Maria overthinks too much and comes to the conclusion that she shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not like she can have a kid right now. Not with everything going on. She should have just dealt with the situation herself and let Carol be ignorant about the whole thing. Their relationship was barely a few hours old and she drops a bomb like this? She could laugh at her own stupidity. 

 

She does laugh.

 

“What’s funny?” Carol asks, reaching forward to turn down the radio. 

 

“I’m - it’s nothing.” Maria shakes her head. “I’m just sorry for springing that on you, you know? I didn’t want to upset you.” 

 

“I’m not upset with you. I’m pissed at myself for taking so long to work things out between us. I could have found this out sooner.” 

 

“That’s on both of us,” Maria reminds her. 

 

Carol shrugs. 

 

“I still wish I hadn’t told you, you know? It’s not like I’m keeping it.” Maria says. 

 

“I’m glad you told me,” Carol says. “ And whatever you decide, I’m there.” 

 

Maria sighs. “You can’t make a decision when you only have one option.” 

 

Carol glances at her. “Who said you only have one option?” 

 

“I can’t have a  _ baby,  _ Carol.” Maria argues, unable to hide the agitation in her voice. There’s tears of frustration in her eyes now, and she’s furiously trying to wipe them away because she’s done enough goddamn crying over the last week, nevermind the previous three months. 

 

She’s hoping Carol doesn’t catch it but she does and then  the car is turning down a dirt road and they’re parking it on the shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye, Maria can see Carol twist in her seat.

 

“Do you want to have a baby?”

 

Maria scoffs. “Want? It doesn’t matter what I want.” 

 

“It does matter Maria, you’re the one who’s pregnant.” 

 

“But it’s not! It’s not about what I want, it’s not just about me. There are so many other things I have to consider. What about my job? What about you?” 

 

“What about me?” 

 

“Even if we weren’t...if you weren’t -,’ 

 

“Your girlfriend?” Carol says, raising a teasing brow in a way that almost gets a smile from Maria. 

 

“Yeah, even if you weren’t that...you’re a huge part of my life. And a kid would also be a huge part of my life and I wouldn’t want to drag you into something like that, if you didn’t want it..” 

 

Maria fights not to turn on the radio to fill the silence that comes after that. 

 

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Carol’s voice comes as a whisper and her hand slides into Maria’s on her lap. “And I’m going to. I’m gonna marry you someday, Maria.”

 

Maria barely registers the sound of two seatbelts being unbuckled, she’s too concerned with searching Carol’s eyes for any insincerity. Any signs that the words this woman is saying might just be to placate her. She finds none. And by the time she realizes it, Carol is closer now, another hand coming up to rest at the base of Maria’s skull.

 

“I’m going to marry you, legal or not, and we’re going to live in a house and we’re going to grow so old in it together. I want that. And I didn’t know if I wanted that before I met you. But now it's all I want. And if you want to raise a baby in our house - be a family - then I want that too. Because it’s yours, Maria. This baby is a part of you. How could I not want it?” 

 

Maria swears she’s going to get dehydrated with the amount of crying she’s been doing so she kisses Carol, hard, before she can do anymore. Her hands tremble as she grips the collar of her leather jacket to pull her closer. 

 

“God, I love you. I love you so much, baby -,” Maria cuts herself off as she kisses Carol again. 

 

A while later, Carol pulls away quite reluctantly and rests her forehead against Maria’s. 

 

“Just...just don’t let me fuck up this kid, okay?” Carol laughs to downplay the fear in her words but Maria can sense her worry. “Joe didn’t exactly set the best example for me.” 

 

“Look at me,” Maria says, she waits until Carol meets her eyes before continuing. “I’m not worried about that. You’re nothing like him.”

 

Carol nods at her, and she doesn’t believe that the other woman is in complete agreement but that’s a conversation for another time. 

 

“Besides, if we screw this up...it’s like you said last night. We’ll handle it. Together.” 

 

“Yeah,” Carol grins. 

 

As they start the car and pull back onto the highway, Maria asks:

 

“Wait, did you just propose to me back there, Danvers?”

“Kinda, maybe...obviously I was thinking we wait a few more years to actually get hitched but I’m not opposed to a shotgun wedding baby, what do you think?” Carol winks. 

 

Maria laughs, smacking Carol on the shoulder. “I think we’ve got a lot on our plate right now.” 

 

“But that’s a yes? To the future, I mean.”

 

Maria glances over at Carol, the other woman’s hair whipping wildly with the breeze as she sports her trademark grin. The sun in the distance illuminates her, making her glow.

 

“Of course it’s a yes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading the second and actual last chapter. Comments, kudos etc are appreciated more than you know. I REALLY want to continue writing for this pairing--but i can't lie i'll probably be posting some pretty self indulgent stuff for them. So i am open to prompts, requests, etc. Leave'em in the comments if you'd like until I set up another tumblr or something, where you can reach me.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave some feedback if you like! I'm thinking about doing more for this pairing. Please forgive any glaring mistakes, I gave it a rough edit but it's 4am as i post this, so i'm sleep deprived and probably missed some things haha.


End file.
